Self-Worth

Self confidence is something I have struggled with for YEARS. My guess is that my issues started when I was about eight or so. My father, who found a lot of validation from his work, lost his job then & it impacted us all.

In recent years, I've made many strides, but I still struggle because when thinking logically, it is easy to come up short. For instance, it's easy to say that everyone has inherent worth and everyone should feel good about being them. But today, I overheard someone talking about a lady with brain cancer who ran the Marine Corps Marathon so fast she qualified for Boston. Oh, and she ran to raise money for kids with brain cancer. I woke up hungover and went to a friend's birthday brunch today.

I saw a therapist for several months and he told me my constant comparisons were the reason for my lack of self-esteem. The lady above, I find better than me though I've never seen her. I make comparisons to random women I see in the grocery store. (Oh, she's prettier & buying mostly vegetables so healthier & so she's definitely better.) I am (much) better now at identifying when I'm making comparisons and not letting them affect my judgement - a good thing because in my comparisons, I always lose. But, is there also value in identifying who is better? And am I really wrong in valuing myself on that scale and only in comparison to folks higher on the scale so I have somewhere to aspire?

In this blog, I'm trying to tackle some really big issues (things I spend a lot of time thinking about), and I'm not sure I'm explaining them well enough just yet. I'll get there so if you're secretly an early reader, stick with me and I'll be better able to articulate. My other problem is that whereas I'm fantastic at writing, the thoughts are still only partly formed. I'm hoping that writing will help me fully realize my thoughts & opinions. This, of course, will drastically improve my writing, so I hope you stick around.