Cleared of Rape

I'm happy for Jameis Winston for the charges of rape being dropped/ deemed not enough evidence/ the girl not wanting the case to happen anymore. I hope it's true & he didn't rape anyone & he'll get the Heisman or win or whatever he wants to happen. 

BUT

I have read a lot of people's Facebook posts this week on the case spreading misinformation about rape cases generally & I think it's worth talking about two key areas:

1) They note the girl changed her story about the night of the initial alleged rape. This was before she stopped talking to cops. Folks say she was confused or making if up. I hope so, but the change in story of events does NOT mean a rape is made up. Rape is a traumatic event &, like with all traumatic events, it can affect your memory. A rape victim changing their story does not mean they were not raped.

2) The USA Today story says her friend said she opted to stop talking/ reporting/ whatever because she didn't want anyone to get mad at her. If you're raped, this should never be something you have to contend with. Like I noted above, I hope this is all a huge misunderstanding, but isn't that understandable? A star player of a star team? After Steubenville & so many other incidents of fans backing the star player, it's so sad.

I hope it's true - that he didn't rape anyone. But facts about rapes in general are being distorted through this case too. And, in a crime where victims' lives can be turned upside down & a crime where victims are so often not understood, this in itself is extremely sad.

Sexism, Sexism Everywhere

This week, I have, for various reasons, been extremely consumed with what one might refer to as feminist issues. I'll try to recap them all here, but I may end up breaking this up into a few blog posts.

1) One of the greatest feminists I know is a speech coach from college. She currently has twins, a boy and a girl, age seven. I am 100% sure that she is doing her absolute best to teach them the same values and that they are equals in every way. Her twins were chosen for the local paper to take through the toy aisles of Target to pick the best toys for Christmas. The results were not depressing; as I said above, I am certain that she treats them exactly the same. However, the young girl chose the girl-oriented Legos and the girl-oriented Nerf shooter. There is no real need for these companies to even create girl-oriented Legos and a girl-oriented Nerf. Whereas they may have improved, the last I read, girl-oriented Legos are even *easier* to create than boy-oriented (or as I like to call them anybody-oriented) Legos. It is clear that society makes an impact even at a young age.

2) I dogsat for a friend's dog named Mia. I took an adorable photo of Mia and posted it on Instagram, hashtagging it with #Mia. I clicked on the hashtag to see other dogs and people named Mia out of boredom. Immediately, a warning came up that the hashtag may be a gateway to disturbing content. #Mia, it turns out is short for bulimia and is a hashtag for those who are supportive of bulimia; often, those who support bulimia are the same folks who are supportive of anorexia and, sometimes, self-harm. It was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever seen, and sometimes, I revisit that hashtag. I revisit it to try to understand the mental state those folks are in. Many name themselves as preteens and teens in their Instagram bio - 13, 14, 15 seems to be the most common age range. The photos are 'thinspiration' - women (they're almost always women) with a thigh gap (where your feet are together but your thighs remain apart because they are very tiny, women with a stomach that doesn't even stick out as far as her hip bones, or a photo of a 'thinspirational' saying like "Bed without dinner; wake up thinner." Guys, these GIRLS are trying to DISAPPEAR. Even though obesity is a much larger crisis in terms of numbers, this is a major problem. These girls are killing themselves or nearly killing themselves while they're young teenagers over the pressure on how to look a certain way. (I know men also can have an eating disorder, but these folks on Instagram are overwhelmingly female.) They aren't trying to get fitter or get smarter or get more friends; THEY ARE TRYING TO DISAPPEAR. It is the most tragic thing that I have ever seen. Not only is it a tragedy, but it is a tragedy that young people are putting upon themselves EVERY day because of the messages they are receiving from the media, from their families, from their peers, and mostly, from their own minds. If anyone with an eating disorder is reading this, STOP TRYING TO DISAPPEAR; YOU ARE LOVED.

3) In my early 20s particularly, I wanted to lose weight and read weight-loss blogs from individuals who are overweight by all medical measures. My favorite became Pasta Queen, a now discontinued blog by a lady in her early 20s who was somewhere in the 300-400 pound range at the start. She was funny and whip-smart. It was by reading those blogs that I learned about the range of weight-loss blogs out there and how focused people are on losing weight. (I personally am in the overweight area of the ever-popular BMI scale and I still struggle with this but do not - and have not chosen to ever - count every morsel that is put into my body.) Through reading these blogs, I learned about terms like 'onederland' - a term that refers to dropping below the 200 pound mark. At the time, I found these blogs harmless since people were just trying to get healthy, but they were among the - probably almost ALL - women, particularly in this country - who think about their weight on a daily or near-daily basis. Ladies, we've got to STOP. I recently read Lessons from the Fat-o-Sphere. I am not sure if I agree with everything they mention, but I do believe their lesson that we need to accept our bodies as they are, even if we do wish to change them. And I suggest we stop trying to focus SO incredibly much on our weight. Men outperform us in the workplace; if even there is a TINY amount of possibility that they keep the advantage because they have so much more time to focus on jobs because they are not focusing on their weight as much, we MUST stop. In Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg notes that women are already at a disadvantage to men in terms of looks already because we cannot do things like wear the same outfit everyday (Steve Jobs) or similar outfits (Barack Obama) because we are massively criticized; let's not put ourselves behind. (Please note, I am in NO WAY claiming that these are the only - or even the worst - offenders in sexism and keeping women down in the workplace, but I'm saying this is just a fringe example of what we could be holding ourselves back from by performing on our bodies. Another note: the reason that Jobs and Obama give is that you do lose willpower and decision-making ability throughout the day from making so many decisions and that way, they do not have to make that decision.)

4) WMATA (Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority - or the metro in DC) got in on the sexist fun this week too. Here is the DCist link to what is going on. Basically, the metro decided to brag about their (really shitty) statistics. (Side note: What else goes less than 9,000 miles before breaking down? NOTHING.) They created two ads. The first was one with a lady talking about metro stats and her friend asking to talk about shoes - SHOES! The second was one with a man talking about metro and his friend saying he hadn't heard the stat. WHY IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?!? Why is there a difference between the ad you make with black people v. white people (Burlington Coat Factory has almost identical commercials this holiday season where the black family got theirs from layaway but the white family could buy their 'haul' straight out.)? Why is there a difference between the ad you make between men and women? Just make the other lady say "I don't know." DO NOT GO WITH A STEREOTYPICAL THING THAT WOMEN TALK ABOUT. Plus, as a woman, I don't talk about shoes that much. I talk about metro more. (probably because metro messes up more than my shoes) FOR GOODNESS SAKE.

5) Microsoft, of all companies, is also making a bra. The bra is meant to determine when women's emotions are changing; when they might start to emotional eat; and to prevent that from happening. When you have a chip that can tell a change in emotion, why would you make a bra focused on preventing women from eating when you could: alert someone when they might hit someone, alert someone when a terrible emotion is happening to someone with a mental disorder, or really anything else. Why is "women can't eat" the focus? (other than money - I know it's all about money) Stop. (and see #2 and #3)

I still have more sexist examples from this week. It's been a bad week for women. I am going to write them later, but I feel better having written all of this. I'm going to be focusing, I'm sure, for months to come on how to fix these problems. I hope you will too and think about outside messages you receive. You are loved. Love yourself.

HAPPY ELECTION DAY!

In many places throughout the country, today was Election Day. And it appears most of you voted the way I would have.

Gays can marry in Illinois, Des Moines has a pro-labor mayor, & the Cooch has gotta stay out of the cooch of the ladies of Virginia!

Congratulations voters! Tomorrow is another day during which we all (including those of us like me who did NOT get to vote today) fight on for more equality, more opportunity, more freedom.

Until then, happy celebrating! (Or sleeping!)

No!

Rape culture means, and I'm simplifying it here, it's a woman's fault if she's raped. Because she dressed too modestly or too sluttily, because she was too forward or not forward enough, because she was too 'bitchy' or not 'bitchy' enough, because she was too drunk.

And now this is being made: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/11/04/ar_wear_these_anti_rape_shorts_update_the_chastity_belt_for_the_rape_culture.html. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Rather than eat away at rape culture, it will give authority figures ANOTHER way to blame rape victims. It will ALSO possibly harm the potential victim. Rape survivors are called survivors for a reason. Some die. Why? Because rape is about power, not sex. These devices will likely cause rapists to get frustrated &/or angry & violent. And these are DEVICES, not comfortable clothing made for you but a protective device made to ATTEMPT to prevent you from being harmed.

And, what message does it send? It's YOUR responsibility, ladies, to protect your sexuality (can't be too close to the whore side of the virgin/ whore dichotomy bc if you're a bad girl no man will ever want to marry you) EVEN IN THE CASE OF RAPE.

It's NOT your job to protect yourself from crimes. If you're mugged or stolen from or killed, NO MATTER WHAT YOU WERE DOING (assuming you're the right color), you aren't blamed, but with rape you are and now here's, not a teaching mechanism in place to teach potential rapists not to rape, but another device for women to protect themselves in case of crime. What the hell?

For any rape victims who read this, I simply want to leave you with this. Much of society will tell you the opposite, but Robin Williams nails it here: http://youtu.be/GtkST5-ZFHw

Crime victims, you're a victim. It's not your fault & society shouldn't be told repeatedly that it is.

The First PSA

I named this post "the first PSA" because I'm sure it'll be the first of MANY on this blog.

Syria - yes, the one our Senate discussed using military action in earlier this year - has an outbreak of polio. Polio was thought to be on its way out due to widespread use of vaccination worldwide. They were hoping to declare it extinct.

I'm not sure of the circumstances surrounding this outbreak, but I am sure of one thing: You should get vaccinated - for everything you can - and you should do the same for your kids. Vaccines do NOT cause autism. That's been repeatedly debunked (though folks like Jenny McCarthy keep trying to rebunk it). The ONLY circumstance under which you or others should not get vaccinated (for MMR, polio, the flu, anything) is if you are allergic. Otherwise, get vaccinated. Lack of vaccines cause outbreaks! To pull out a trope I kind of hate: The life you save may be your own.

What label are you?

Starting very young & continuing for a very long time, folks often look for a label to describe what they are. In high school, it's jock, prep, nerd. In the adult world, it's businessperson, redneck, even hipster. 

As a kid, my little brother loved NASCAR. When he joined marching band the summer before 8th grade, he was mocked ceaselessly, often by the older kids, for his 'redneck' interest. Soon after, he lost interest, probably because of the mocking, & that's when I became much more aware of the labels we give one another & give activities.

I'm not sure *what* I am, but I do generally strive to be on the classier side of things. I also try to avoid 'redneck' activities. I actually hate NASCAR, so that's never been a trouble, and when I was young, I found out I also hated tractor pulls (another activity I gave the redneck title to). But, in the intervening years, I found out I enjoy demolition derbies; monster truck rallies (or at least the one I went to that was indoors); &, this weekend, Punkin' Chunkin.

I think it's quite popular in my age range (20s-30s) to like things ironically, but I don't. I just like these things (& don't really understand why or how to like something ironically). Liking these things a) doesn't detract from my definition of classy, & b) doesn't make me a redneck. That said:

1) Who cares if I am a 'redneck'? I know folks who I like who are great, smart people who classify themselves that way.

And 2) Liking a variety of things - some in the redneck category, some in the hipster category, some in the techie category, etc. makes someone an interesting person.

Figuring out why we all operate by labels probably won't ever occur. I'm 31 & just wrote this post since it's something I still struggle with. But I do think recognizing my interest in labels, labelling it (I really do love labels.), & saying it's ok has merit until I figure out to just like what I like & don't what I don't.

In the meantime, Punkin' Chunkin is AMAZING fun & I recommend you all go with good friends to have a wonderful fall time. Caveat: take TP with you & find the good port-o-pots to have the best time. Sure, you may label it as 'rednecky,' but it's still a great time with a lot of cool science & fun pumpkin hurls.

Cranky

I was cranky today - suuuuuuper cranky. I had a less than stellar day yesterday at work, & today wasn't much better. Today, too, I was super productive which made me more annoyed. I feel on days when you do your total, 110% best, you should somehow be rewarded by having nobody express dissatisfaction with you or your company in any way. Luckily, my bosses are good & understood, but I still was quite annoyed.

I was so annoyed, in fact, that I opted to take it out (partly) on my roommates. They didn't deserve it and now, in addition to having a poor day at work, I feel bad because I was a jerk. Ugh. Luckily, I'm blessed with amaaaaazing roommates, and it doesn't matter that much because they know I'm a better person than I was today, but still: annoying. I also got this much closer to unfriending my libertarian friend on Facebook. (Though I do that any time he discusses entitlement programs being eliminated in favor of charity only, I got a lot angrier & closer today.) I also got extraordinarily annoyed with all the people listing things they're thankful for. Seriously, November is a shit month for cynics on Facebook.

On top of that, EVERY little thing on my commute home made me mad. (SERIOUSLY, THOUGH! WALK AT TOP SPEED ON PUBLIC TRANSIT. That annoys me daily.)

I'm on my way right now to Punkin Chunkin (which you may have seen on Discovery Channel), and I'm having my boyfriend listen to silly songs with me in the car which is great and making me happier. I'm excited & it'll be a grand time with friends.

I just wish I could be a bit more compartmentalized & leave work annoyances at work & home at home. Alas, I'm human & that probably won't happen. Let's hope this month improves.

#BostonStrong?

The Boston Red Sox won the World Series last night. I heartily congratulate them. I'm not a baseball fan at all, but as a current sorta East Coaster (DC), I am drawn regularly into the Yankees/ Red Sox rivalry. Truthfully, I don't like televised baseball, & since I only see those teams that way, my #1 hope is that they both disappear. However, since they'll both keep existing despite my wishes, I don't care who wins, but I like the projection of the Red Sox attitude better. First, I love the song Sweet Caroline; second, I like that they don't care how players look [That Johnny dude who went from Red Sox to Yankees after they won for the first time in 81 (or 87?) years & cut his hair is totally a jerk in the eyes of all non-Yankee fans.]; and third, Sox fans are 50% annoying & 50% endearing when they claim to be an underdog ALL of the time. (Mark my words; those guys will lose the first three games next year, claim to have a rebuilding year, and then easily win the World Series again but talk the whole season about their underdogness. Poor Cubs fans are true underdogs but don't chatter nearly as much about their HORRIBLE WOES!) The Yankees, on the other hand, seem like evil robots somehow. 

The point of this whole rant so far is I like the Sox well enough given that they're a baseball team (and that I truly do feel very sorry for the Cubs)...

BUT...

I think anyone who is using the hashtag #BostonStrong to show the pride in their team is an ass. #BostonStrong was a hashtag used after the Boston marathon this year because a tragedy took place at the end of said marathon. Two horrific men created bombs made of pressure cookers that killed &/or injured multiple people near the finish line of the marathon. One died by being runover by his brother (the other perpetrator of the crime). The other ran rampant in an almost totally shutdown city (Boston) for over a day before hiding in the boat of some folks who called the police. The police killed the man there. Boston went through a TERRIBLE time, and they impressed the shit out of the rest of us by holding themselves together when we imagine we'd all have been cowered in our living rooms crying. THAT's what Boston strong is. Now, they want to hijack the hashtag for a baseball game?

My boyfriend actually argued with me saying that the hashtag means the city overcame & they overcame to win the World Series too. I disagree very strongly and think it was for one event. I feel if the Yankees hashtagged a World Series win with #NeverForget, it would be a similar transgression.

David Ortiz is an amazing baseball player, but he's NOT what made #BostonStrong & what made Boston an inspiration in April. What did make that were the folks who finished the marathon & kept running to a blood bank to give blood to those who'd just lost it. What else did make #BostonStrong was the restaurant near the marathon finish line that turned into a triage center filled with restaurant employees turned pseudo-doctors. What didn't make #BostonStrong was Tom Brady's come-from-behind arm that took the Pats to a victory when they were far down after the first half (another instance when folks used the hashtag) What else did make #BostonStrong was the people of Boston huddled bravely in their homes knowing a strange killer (who ran over his brother & left him to die after he created pressure cooker bombs set to go off at the finish line of a marathon - something that should bring NOTHING but pride & joy to all who try & certainly all who complete it) was on the loose in the town they know & love. What did not make #BostonStrong was winning a baseball game & shoving St Louis's face in it.

Hashtags for tragedies should NEVER be used to discuss something outside of the tragedy. I am not arguing that the people of Boston aren't strong - they are - but I think there's a way to honor that (& their great baseball team) without pulling the symbol of a tragedy into it.

Writer's Block

I'm having some writer's block & I've tossed three drafts already. Here are some random thoughts for today.

1) Finding value from who you are, internally, is a constant battle. If I feel bad about a day (bc I let someone down or feel I didn't do as much as I should have or anything that makes the day bad & I accept blame), it can ruin my attitude until I get into work the next day & 'fix' it. Fixing the problem can often be doing the task I didn't do but then also punishing myself by doing needless tasks. Since folks talk so often about Catholic guilt, I've said many times I'm the only atheist Catholic with all the guilt I feel. If I feel bad about a workout, I feel bad about it for good. There is no coming back. If I punish myself at the next workout, I just think "good; that's what a workout should be. Can't believe I failed last time." In previous job searches, my confidence also has been tied up in that. A brutal blow that can be.

2) My doc asked me today if I feel so much better since I've lost 9 pounds. The right answer is yes, so that's what I said, but I really feel the same.

3) I've lived in my home for over 4 years now, but if someone told me to "put everything away" in my room, I wouldn't know where to put a lot of things.

4) I wish I had someone to tell me where to put future $$. I have 6+ months saved, but do I keep putting it there? Or pay off student loans faster? Or save for a down payment?

I wish life was easier & tonight, I wish writing was easier. I hope this post was at least vaguely amusing & I promise to return tomorrow with some good material.

Slavery came up today...

In a way where those who talked about it discussed it with something other than abhorrence. Are we in 1813? Or 2013? Insanity.

First, yesterday, a judge overruling parts of Texas's strict new abortion law said abortion is the most divisive issue in the country since slavery. This seems like a big comparison (*almost* like comparing something to the Holocaust) because it's clearly a horrific, embarrassing chapter. I'm giving this comparison some serious side-eye, but there's a bigger fish to fry.

A Nevada state legislator said today that if his constituents supported slavery, he would in the State Capitol. Two things here:

1) I'm happy to say even the NV GOP leader has already verbally smacked this guy for bringing up such a horrible thing & saying he'd be for it - even if only under the most bizarre of circumstances. I'm very glad the party is not honoring their fringiest of the fringe. (PS: This is how you lead, Boehner. Tell your crazies that they're crazy.)

2) DON'T ELECT PEOPLE LIKE THIS! People, if we want to live in a better world, we've got to strive to elect people better than us: people who know better how to make decisions, people who don't get bored by the minutiae of the farm bill, people who are smarter, better, kinder people than us. And this includes: don't elect people who pander to the lowest common denominator. History is filled with times when great leaders passed great laws to the chagrin of their constituents. But history has always rewarded them handsomely, as folks realize they're wrong. What if they would've listened & pandered to their constituents? We might *still* have slavery in some areas.

It stuns me regularly the issues that pop up. (RICHARD NIXON, Republican of the 60s & 70s, was down with birth control & created the EPA & OSHA, but we're still having fights about these things? And now, we're headed back even further to things from the 1860s? Progress is key to any civilization. It's how we've obtained great things like plumbing. Why are so many so keen to move backwards? Is it due to pandering? How can we, the constituents, encourage our peers to vote for those better than us rather than our average peers.

I don't know the answers to those questions, but I do know one answer that we've known for over a century: slavery is wrong & if you imply otherwise, you deserve to lose your job, especially if it is one as an elected official.

How do you think mean is ok?

On most holidays, the standard 'rules' of polite society are reinforced. On Valentine's Day, you extra show your love. On Thanksgiving, folks who normally hate their family sit around the table discussing how they're so thankful for those same folks.

Halloween, however, is a bizarre holiday in that it takes the rules & turns them upside down. Nobody dresses modestly; people get unapologetically wasted; and every celebrity who has died gets reincarnated as a zombie version of themselves.

But, perhaps because Halloween turns all the rules on their heads, some folks have a hard time seeing where they become completely inappropriate.

Two white men dressed up this year as George Zimmerman & Trayvon Martin, the neighborhood watchman & teen he shot dead in a Florida community. My stance on this case is that Zimmerman was wrongly let go (he followed Martin after expressly being told not to). But, even if you disagree with me on that, I'm not sure how you can think this is an appropriate costume decision for many reasons.

1) Martin is a dead teenager.

Now, his parents are probably being subjected to the fact that some people think his death is a joke. How horrible for them to go through this. And, he wasn't one who chose fame. (Some would argue those who chose fame are free-game for zombie costumes, but Martin would've been ineligible for even this.)

2) The man who portrayed Martin painted his face black.

It has long been established that this IS racist behavior. Why would you pride yourself on hatred? (I'll likely often joke that I hate everyone on this blog, but that's not hatred of entire groups of people - other than children - it's an expression of annoyance.) 

All in all, I'm disappointed in the people who did this. Why hurt people - even if Martin's parents don't see it - who felt affected? It was clear this trial was a huge deal & many were emotionally invested.

I'm not sure what to even say. I just had this on my mind and can hardly believe it's real. Support to anyone affected negatively by this costume. Most of us support you.

Self-Worth

Self confidence is something I have struggled with for YEARS. My guess is that my issues started when I was about eight or so. My father, who found a lot of validation from his work, lost his job then & it impacted us all.

In recent years, I've made many strides, but I still struggle because when thinking logically, it is easy to come up short. For instance, it's easy to say that everyone has inherent worth and everyone should feel good about being them. But today, I overheard someone talking about a lady with brain cancer who ran the Marine Corps Marathon so fast she qualified for Boston. Oh, and she ran to raise money for kids with brain cancer. I woke up hungover and went to a friend's birthday brunch today.

I saw a therapist for several months and he told me my constant comparisons were the reason for my lack of self-esteem. The lady above, I find better than me though I've never seen her. I make comparisons to random women I see in the grocery store. (Oh, she's prettier & buying mostly vegetables so healthier & so she's definitely better.) I am (much) better now at identifying when I'm making comparisons and not letting them affect my judgement - a good thing because in my comparisons, I always lose. But, is there also value in identifying who is better? And am I really wrong in valuing myself on that scale and only in comparison to folks higher on the scale so I have somewhere to aspire?

In this blog, I'm trying to tackle some really big issues (things I spend a lot of time thinking about), and I'm not sure I'm explaining them well enough just yet. I'll get there so if you're secretly an early reader, stick with me and I'll be better able to articulate. My other problem is that whereas I'm fantastic at writing, the thoughts are still only partly formed. I'm hoping that writing will help me fully realize my thoughts & opinions. This, of course, will drastically improve my writing, so I hope you stick around.

Rape insinuation

You'll find out quickly I'm an ardent feminist who sides easily with women who are raped (or fake raped - 1-8% of the time; remember, the lady who changes her story is experiencing trauma & that's common in times like this!). But today, I have two odd feminist issues to touch on.

My boyfriend & I went as Miley & Robin from the VMAs for Halloween... he as Miley & I as Robin. Of COURSE, people laughed at the gender switch. But were folks ok with me touching random men & proclaiming "he's a good girl"? I'm ok if they were offended by my singing voice. But I'm not sure how they felt about me objectifying men. Most laughed. Because it's rare & unexpected? I doubt that. I think it's because it's against societal norms & because new things make folks uncomfortable & cause laughter. NOT because my objectification causes actual concern for men. (Of course, they also laughed because it's out of character for me, but if a female were to objectify men - and possibly assault men - in public, people would still laugh.)

Also, I do stand-up sometimes. It won't be a career for me & I'm not interested enough to do it nightly. But I do it. A man I know was recently accused of being rapey in a joke. Knowing his humor, I doubt it. He seems a stronger comedian than that. (Rape jokes are laaaaaaazy!) And, I've never seen him even broach anything near offensiveness. I'd stand up for him. I think he's innocent. But how can I say that & simultaneously stand up for women who were raped? Am I a hypocrite?

First, obviously no to my last question, but it's sad that believing victims is so rare that I have to worry about my reaction to any feminist-ish issue. Second, I'd recommend gender-bending roles if you can. (This was an odd circumstance when my boyfriend was down because it was funny -- not because it was a social experiment.) In my case, I wasn't there & don't know the details re: the joke but I still stand with him... but I feel awkward being the Robin to the Miley. I feel hypocritical in both, but I feel both are valuable to adding to me as an overall human.

Maybe I'm too tipsy from my roommate's bday/ Halloween party & can't come up with a solution. Or, maybe, it's confusing with all the messages sent to us. Either way, I can't draw anything from these incidents, but I hope any readers enjoyed this entry & understand they aren't alone when contemplating gender issues.

A Convo Women Wouldn't Have

Currently, I work in an office that is about 50/50 males and females, but on my floor, I'm the only female right now. As such, I overhear a lot of typically 'male' conversations. Generally, they discuss football or look at attractive women walking by which just makes me roll my eyes in my office.

Today, though, they had a conversation for which women do not have an equivalent. One man discussed how he is much larger than his cousins and brothers and how much fear it instills in them. He noted how at one point, he was bench-pressing so much, his father thought he was taking supplements to be able to achieve such weights. My other male colleague discussed, openly, how he was built smaller than his brother, but thought he was still stronger.

It is a rare woman who discusses pride in her body because of her strength. I believe we are getting closer, but women, generally, hope to be strong without looking larger than she deems appropriate. Too often, this is what society deems appropriate.

Men can happily discuss how proud they are of their accomplishments in the gym while still easily (and happily) admitting that they have different body types. Women, no matter how strong they are, usually feel concerned that they are not meeting the standard of society. Men spend time bragging about their body type, regardless of what it is.

Ladies, try your best, and be proud. You may be the tiniest person ever and you may be the biggest of all your cousins. But, it is up to you to make the best of yourself and not beat yourself up because you aren't what you think is perfect.

I feel strongly that women are discriminated against in many aspects of society, but I also think that women spend time pulling themselves and, in many cases, other women, back due to how we look. (Men hold us back too for that very reason. Some are too concerned about cleavage to worry about their own job.) We need to stop ASAP. It's extremely hard and something I struggle with regularly, but let's try, in this way, to be more like the boys, and accept our bodies as they are.

Food Stamps & Future Mes

One thing I'll probably discuss on this blog is that I do not EVER want to have a child. I am not a fan of children. Lots of women around my age start sort of fangirling around children. They see a child, particularly a very young one, and are drawn to it, almost running to it like it's the Beatles, Backstreet Boys, and One Direction all rolled into one. I, on the other hand, try to run away. I will switch metro cars to get away from them. They terrify me and I do not like children. Two things about this though:

1) When I say I hate children, I mean I just don't want them to exist around me. I am fine with people having children. I just don't want to see them. I do want them to have their best possible life so they can grow into their best potential. I support good teachers and quality schools. I support them growing up in supportive households and eating good, nutritious food surrounded by books, physical activity, and people they love who love them.

2) Just because I don't have or want children does not mean that I do not see myself in some children. Read alone, that can almost sound creepy. What I mean is that some children today have a similar childhood that I had. I grew up in a household where my parents loved me but could not provide upper-class opportunities for me. And, those are kids who I do think deserve help.

During the recent federal government furlough, WIC was temporarily not working. WIC is like SNAP (the federal foodstamps program), but it is an acronym for women, infants, children. Despite my father having two (2!) jobs and my mother having two (also 2!) jobs when I was a kid, we received WIC assistance for a while. Also, the stimulus increased SNAP through late 2014. Due to a few different government interventions since, SNAP is only increased through the end of this month (October 2013). Translation? Families across the country are going to have their benefits cut. And, if the House has their way, SNAP benefits will be cut significantly.

There is some kind of thought process in the minds of folks in this country who have never been on the receiving end of government benefits that they are for drug-addled lazy people* only. That's not true. Families with working parents are being hurt. Extremely hurt. We never lived large, but we always had enough which made us lucky compared to families today who are struggling on SNAP.

I feel extremely sad for those kids who could be the future me. I currently hold a job that makes me (probably) middle class, meaning I was lucky enough to be equipped with the tools to move upward in the financial class system in the US. But what else I was equipped with was adequate nutrition. When I'm hungry today, I can't concentrate and hop down to the Starbucks by our office. These kids don't have that option. What does that mean for our future economy if people cannot move upward?

Republicans seem to be struggling to take away rights from these kids. (And not just kids who are small now, but folks headed to college. With interest rates AND tuition increasing, what chance do folks have of improving their economic standing?) It's like Congress is trying to kill chances of our country to move forward, and it's painful to see folks just like me (or at least kids in a similar environment) who aren't given the same opportunities as I am. How sad. The so-called 'American dream' (which is defined differently for all, but does include economic opportunity in the eyes of almost all) is dying and a major political party is killing it.

*I actually am fine with giving "drug-addled lazy people" (though I think such folks are extraordinarily rare) food. Everyone deserves food, even if they mess up. Even if they're messing up right now. Everyone deserves a basic standard, but many can only agree when I pull in innocents.

Welcome!

Hello, and welcome to my blog! I love writing. My newest goal is to write for 30 days in a row. This is day one, but blog post #1 of the 30 day challenge will be my next one. On here, you can expect frustrations from daily life, current events, personal stories, a whole variety of things. I hope you enjoy!